At that Venturo’s crying finally whined down to a gentle whimper. He sniveled and rubbed at his eyes but his attention was caught.
“Yes, please.” Venturo sniffed. “Mom has stuff for it at the house.” He added, though he wasn’t actually sure. He just assumed the kitchen would be stocked as needed, he never paid much mind to what was in the house. Remedy couldn’t cook much, so what was in the kitchen was honestly a mystery to him.
"Okay, let's do it then." Romulus said with a little relieved laugh and smile. He was glad the crisis was averted for now. He bounced the boys in his arms again and began towards the schoolyard exit.
---
((FF))
Romulus was learning that cooking was not as easy as Astrid made it look. Normally, she took care of the actual mixing of ingredients and spices as well as all of the technical bits while he only ever watched from nearby, cutting and preparing ingredients at her direction. But Astrid was not here to direct him in any capacity and he had never had a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich like Romano and Venturo had requested, so truly, he had gone in blind.
Sure enough, once they got home and the three of them got to perusing the kitchen, they found that Remedy did in fact have most of the ingredients to make the sandwiches. They had found eggs and kraft singles in the fridge, but unfortunately didn't find any bacon. There was some sliced deli ham, however, and the boys had agreed that it was close enough, which Romulus was grateful for as he didn't think he could handle another meltdown so soon after the last. Remedy had told him that the boys couldn't have regular bread, that it made them sick, but Romano had pointed out their "special bread" on top of the refrigerator. Surprisingly, while there was no bacon in the house, Venturo had pulled out a bag of frozen tater tots that, between the three of them and their collective inability to read, was actually "hashbrowns". With their spread of ingredients on the counter, Romulus got to work in attempting to make the sandwiches for the boys.
He hadn't been quite sure how high or low to keep the flame on the stove while he cooked, so the eggs came out a little runny, even more so once the cheese was introduced. He had seen Remedy make cold sandwiches for the boys and she had put the ham on without cooking it, so he assumed it was cooked already and put it directly on the bread before topping it with the egg and cheese slime. Romano had told him that Remedy made their potatoes in the airfryer and with both the boys bickering back and forth about how to use the airfryer (neither of them actually knew) Romulus tried to figure it out for himself and accidentally cooked the potatoes too long. Despite their dark brown exterior, Romano insisted that Romulus put them on his sandwich before closing it up. Romulus had seen Remedy cut the boys' sandwiches for their little hands so he did so as well before serving them both at the little low legged coffee table in the living room.
"I know it's not a bodega sandwich, but I hope it's still good." Romulus said, admittedly a bit nervous as he took a seat on the couch beside the boys, watching as they dug in. _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
Venturo didn’t have a ton of experience in the kitchen, as most young children don’t. But it was because Remedy didn’t have a talent or affection for cooking, she didn’t spend a lot of time on it and was not especially good at it. When the boys were with Roxanne, she was patient and kind when including them, but not so involved. Sometimes, Venturo got the impression that some things were taking longer because him and Romano were helping. But with Romulus, it was so much fun and whatever things that went wrong, didn’t feel so impossible to fix. In fact, Venturo forgot what he was upset about at school before even taking a bite of the carefully made sandwich. However Romulus might’ve fumbled and guessed, Venturo thought it was absolute magic. Which was funny, considering Romulus famously could not do magic and had ritualistically punished for it. But Venturo would never have known it.
Venturo took too big of a bite, egg blotting the corners of his mouth. His cheeks were full and he closed his eyes contently as he chewed, he seemed pleased, comforted even by dad’s perfect sandwich.
“You know what?” Venturo began, taking another too big of a bite from the sandwich; some hasbrown falling out the back of the sandwich. He didn’t wait to swallow before speaking again, raising a finger in the air as though he was about to make an important and sweeping declaration. “This is the best sandwich I’ve ever had!” Venturo said enthusiastically, some gluten free bread falling from his mouth as he spoke.
Romano had dug into his sandwich with enthusiasm, squirming with delight and humming his pleasure around his bite. Egg yolk the stained his lips yellow and toasted bread crumbs dotted around his mouth.
“Dad, you should be a chef!” Romano declared as soon as he had swallowed enough of his overzealous bight.
Romulus couldn’t help but let out a laugh at both of his boys’ reaction to his cooking. He reached out and pat the top of each of their heads, tousling their blond curls
“It’s that good?” He asked them. _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
"Yes!" Venturo squawked, crumbs flying. He dove in for another bite, taking several before pausing to chew and suck the yolk off his fingers. He'd already forgotten the events from school, all he knew was he wanted Romulus to make him one everyday.
"I'm glad. I'll make them whenever you want then." Romulus laughed, reaching over to grab up one of the papertowels he'd torn off in lieu of napkins and licked the corner of it before taking it to the corner of Romano's mouth to him up as he ate. He cleaned up Romano and then went to clean up Venturo, though surely both of them would just make a mess again with their voracious bites of the sandwich. Neither of the boys complained, simply hummed in appreciation and enthusiasm, which Romulus simply basked in it.
He could remember the last meal his father had cooked for him and his twin as children, not because it was especially good but because the meals had come so infrequent in their youth and because it was the last time he'd made anything for them before deciding they needed to start fending for their own. It was trucha a la navarra, a fish dish their father once mentioned his own father cooked for him, which Romulus figured he could only recall now because his father almost never spoke about himself let alone his father.
He wondered if he and his twin had expressed any enthusiasm for his cooking if Armand would feel like he did now, happy and proud, or if it would have meant nothing at all. He wondered if they had told him if he was the best cook in the world if he would have kept cooking for them.
"So...boys, when you're done eating... can we talk about earlier?" He asked, clearly reluctant to potentially upset the boys.
Romano took pause in his eating immediately, his mouth turning into a frown as he began to fuss at the crust of the sandwich half still in his hand.
"Do we have to?" He asked, his voice small and watery. _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
Venturo stopped his eating almost immediately at the notion. His memory of the earlier events and the feelings that followed. He held onto his sandwich, the crumbs and the sticky yolk and rocks of salt clung to his fingers as he closed his grasp anxiously. He looked away, eyes glassy and wet and he could feel his heartrate picking up, feelings rising up in his throat.
"I don't want to. It feels too bad." He admitted, looking toward the living room window, the panes too cloudy to see out clearly. But focused his gaze still and tried hard not to cry again.
“Well,” Romulus began as he slid off the couch to sit on the floor between the boys. He was tall and nearly all leg, so his knees awkwardly bunched up to his chest as he settled in between the twins. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I never want to make you boys do or say anything you don’t want to do.” He nodded and placed an arm around each of the boys, sidling them close to him in a way he wished his own parents would have done for them if they had been kind. “But it might make you feel better to share what’s hurting you. I don’t want you to be hurting all on your own.”
Romano leaned into Romulus, comforted by his dad’s warm touch and his even gentler words. Though he still didn’t want to talk about what had happened earlier, he felt compelled to do so at his dad’s gentle coaxing. He set his sandwich bits down and settled back against Romulus, working eggy fingers together as he trained his gaze down.
“Melody said…she said her daddy told her she couldn’t play with us anymore.” His little brows inched together and he willed himself to not cry again, though his next words came out croaky and wobbled, “She said her daddy told her you…he said you were a bad man.”
Romulus felt his heart drop into his stomach and he instantly felt the distinct urge to run, something that he had always been quick to attempt but rarely executed effectively. Despite never having found success in running away however, he had thought that perhaps this time he had outrun his past and his wrongdoings, at least enough that he thought he could move on with a life was at least somewhat normal. He hadn’t been aware that his past was actually nipping at his heels, threatening to bite at him and eat him whole.
He should have never thought he was allowed to have a normal life. He didn’t deserve it.
Romano felt the way his dad’s body had gone rigid and could smell frantic perspiration beginning to bead up on his flesh. He looked up at his dad and pawed at the front of his shirt.
“B-but we told her it wasn’t true! We told her you were good and you were nice!” He quickly sputtered, leaving out the part that at that point other kids had also proclaimed their parents told them similar things. _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
Venturo may have been comforted by his Dad’s reassuring words and gestures, but after hearing what Romano had explained, he felt Romulus tense. He wasn’t sure what it meant, but he saw Romulus’s stare go someplace else entirely, Uncle Remus looked like that sometimes too. He had been told before by his Mom, that it was okay and to not be afraid. But it was hard not to be, to see someone disappear behind their eyes. It made him feel more grounded in having not told him anything.
“I don’t care what they say, I don’t want to play with anyone who talks like that anyways.” Venturo said, brows pinched as his own resolve, churned over in his head.
Romulus didn’t quite feel like he was in his body, though he could hear his son’s words becoming frantically defensive of him and Romano’s hand wind anxiously at the front of his shirt. He felt like he had begun running and was miles away now, like he should have been all along.
I shouldn’t have stayed. I’m bad. I shouldn’t have stayed. I don’t deserve this life. I shouldn’t have stayed. I’m going to make their lives hard. I shouldn’t have stayed.
His breathing began to become belabored, which in turn made Romano whimper and his face crumple.
“Dad, Dad, don’t be sad. You said we shouldn’t be sad alone, please don’t be sad.” He sniveled. _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
Her timing could not have been better. The porch groaned and the front door squeaked from its hinges as Remedy let herself in.
“Alright boys, I was thinking pizza and a movie tonight, how about it?” She announced loudly whenever she first walked in. Whenever she came around the corner of the entryway, she saw her boys. Romulus was nestled between the coach and the coffee table on the floor, looking…Lost. One of their boys, sniveling and frantic, the other detached and morose looking. What happened?
She had come straight home from work. She was still dirty from being elbows deep in cars all day. Her face had a streak of grease on her cheek, dirty fingerprints dotted her white Hanes t shirt. She had been wearing a Coors Light baseball cap to keep her hair out of her face. It was short but its unbrushed waves still got in the way if not pushed back. Seeing her boys as they were, she focused up and turned her cap backwards before kicking off her boots and entering the living room. She gave a little wave of her hands, gesturing for the boys to scoot either way from Romulus, and she nudged the coffee table further back with her foot before crouching down over him. Remedy rubbed her palms together as though she was charging an invisible battery before clapping both hands over Romulus’s cheeks.
First thing first, she needed to ground the other adult, her co parent. Then she could figure out the rest and make whatever was wrong, right again. With her hands on his cheeks, she leaned forward and pressed her forehead to his. Trying hard to ground him in the here and now.
“Hey, come back to us.” Remedy said quietly, her voice steady and unafraid.
Romulus had seemingly wandered far away from his body and probably would have kept wandering if it hadn't been for Remedy's intervention.
He jolted and sucked in a shuddering breath as if he had literally been shoved back into himself all at once. His eyes were wide and a furiously rolling, his vision trying to focus in, until his gaze found Remedy's, her dark eyes immediately working to ground him. He felt the press of her nose to his, her breath on his mouth, and the warmth of her palms cradling his cheeks. He reached up to grab onto her arm with one hand, fingers trembling as they circled her wrist to hold her there, as if she was going to pull away. With his senses coming back to him, the next sensation to return was the pitchy little whines coming from his side where he recalled Romano being. He looked down to see the little boy still next to him, eyes wet and lip warbling as he clutched onto the hem of his shirt.
"Dad...Dad are you okay?" Romano sniveled.
Romulus took a beat, his brows twisting guiltily as he stared down at the toddler.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry." He mustered. _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
Remedy smiled softly, her brows furrowed with worry though she released a breath of relief when Romulus came back to. She looked down at Romano and Venturo apologetically.
“Dad is okay, boys. He was having an awake nightmare.” Remedy said, as though it was the most obvious explanation. She kept her hands on Romulus’s cheeks, it was nice to touch him again even if it was just like this. Remedy looked back to him then, her expression adoring and sympathetic. “You’re alright.” Remedy assured Romulus, her thumbs stroking the peaks of his cheeks as she looked at him.
Romulus's relaxed into Remedy's touch, turning to nose at her palm at one point where he took a deep breath of her. He remained like that before gently taking her hand from his face so he could look down at Romano, who still looked fretful despite Remedy's assurance. He stretched down to wrap his arms around the little boy, pulling him up and to him. He rested his forehead against Romano's shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm so sorry." He uttered.
Romano was quick to hug Romulus back, wrapping little arms around his head.
"It's okay, Dad." He assured, his voice watery still. _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
Venturo had been looking away, his hard but teary eyed stare, fixated hard on the window. As though looking at Romulus would give whatever overtook him, power. After Romulus released one of her hands, she reached to ruffle Venturo’s blond curls.
“It’s okay, Ven, look.” Remedy encouraged, nodding at Romulus and inviting his attention.
Venturo observed Romulus carefully from the side, his gaze still weary of what might happen if he watched his Dad for too long.
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