Romulus lifted his head from Romano's shoulder and looked over to Venturo, offering the other boy an apologetic smile when he saw his cautious gaze. He freed up his other arm and reached out to him.
"I'm sorry for scaring you, Venturo." He said. _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
Venturo allowed Romulus to pull him under his arm and to his side, parallel and symmetrical to his twin on the other side. At this Remedy let out a puff of relief, she stood up from her squat and stretched a little before sitting back down on the coffee table.
“Alright, so what were we freaking out about?” She asked then.
At Remedy’s question, Romano tightened his grip on Romulus and vehemently shook his head.
“No, I don’t want to hurt Dad’s feelings again.” Romano said, firm and resolute for a five year old. _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
Venturo also shook his head, hiding his face in Romulus’s side.
“It doesn’t matter, we don’t want to talk about it.” Venturo said, in a halfhearted shout so his tiny voice could be heard from his father’s side.
“It does matter. What happens to you matters.” Remedy began, reaching out to rub Romano’s shoulder. “I can’t make it right, if I don’t know what’s wrong.” She finished before looking to Romulus then. “I’m sure your Dad will be okay. But if not, I’ve got him.”
“Boys…you should tell your mom.” Romulus gently urged, his hand soothing over each of their backs. “I’m sorry for scaring you, but…I’ll be okay. You should tell Mom.”
Romano frowned, still clinging to Romulus with his face nestled into the crook of his neck, as he proceeded to speak.
“Some people at school said Dad was…bad.” He muttered/ _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
“Someone else said, their parents said not to play with us anymore..” Venturo added, peeking out from Romulus’s side.
Remedy listened and nodded intently, she heard every word the boys carefully offered up.
“So what do you think about that, how does it make you feel?” Remedy asked.
Venturo was thoughtful but only for a minute, forgoing any deep contemplation. Instead he thought to answer authentically, without much consideration.
“I hated it. It…It-It pissed me off!” Venturo blurt, eyebrows knit tightly together.
Remedy nodded again, and gestured for him to go on.
“They don’t even know my Dad, but I don’t want to play with people who are that way anyways!” Venturo continued, raising his voice, his little fist clutching Romulus’s shirt.
Remedy waited a beat and looked to Romano, waiting to see what sentiments he had on the matter and if they aligned with his twin.
Romano pursed his lips slightly, his brow pinching right. He of course shared similar sentiments, he didn’t want to play with people who said mean and bad things about his dad either. However, there was a nagging in the back of his head, a question that wasn’t unlike a child to have but the weight behind it different from any other time he’d asked.
“Why?” He uttered before peeking up between both of his parents. “Why did they say those things? Dad isn’t a bad man…right? So why did they say he was?”
Romulus tensed, but had the gumption to not daze away despite the treacherous urge to run away from this problem any way he could rose up in him.
He honestly hadn’t thought what he would tell the boys about his past, or if he ever would. It certainly hadn’t been something he thought would come up so soon what with the boys being so young. He thought he’d have some time, but it felt like he had no other choice than to pick at a fresh wound. More than hurting himself by dredging up his near-past, Romulus feared that his boys…would be disappointed in him, would be hurt, maybe even disgusted.
He feared losing them.
“I’m…I don’t think I’m a bad man.” Romulus managed, his throat tight with worry as he spoke. “But…I have done bad things…before.” _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
Remedy was quick to interject but it wasn't a clumsy or thoughtless interjection. She already knew how she felt and what she wanted to say on the matter.
"Your Dad, has a past. Like most adults do, I have one too. The difference is, your Dad...Well he has big bobo's from his past." Remedy began, bobo's being the French equivalent to "boo boos." She of course was referring to his scars. "And because of the bobo's people can see, they make judgements about his character. But at the end of the day, only your Dad knows what happened with his bobo's. It doesn't have anything to do with anyone else." Remedy continued to explain. "What matters is who your Dad is today, and who he aspires to be."
Romano listened intently to Remedy's explanation before bobbing his head slowly, as if digesting her words, before looking to Romulus. He stared a moment and then reached up to touch the scar encircling his dad's neck. He pursed his lips and flitted his gazed up to Romulus's.
"I don't mind your bobos, Dad. You're a good dad and fun." He said.
Romulus let out a breath he hadn't even known he was holding before mustering a smile and nodding.
"I'm glad you think so...I want to be good." He said. _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
Venturo didn't need as much time to hear his mother's words. He felt pretty cemented in his feelings, Remedy only validated those feelings. His perception of things was that to Venturo, his dad was amazing. It seemed nothing was going to change that for him. He hugged his arms around Romulus's middle and squeezed him tight.
"I love you, Dad." Venturo said. Whether or not it had been said before, Venturo had felt love for his Dad from the moment they met. While it was likely to be impactful to Romulus, Venturo didn't say it specifically to assure him. He said it because he felt it.
Remedy smiled as she observed her boys.
"You are good, all three of you are." She said with a little smile, reaching again to mess the twins hair.
Romulus felt his heart squeeze inside of his chest.
Of course, he had experienced small tastes of love before, though far and in between during his wretched existence. He had known the brotherly sort from his twin, which had been almost like second nature from the time they were born. They had always been each other's constant companions and their comfort, too. If anyone knew the depths of their hurts as well as any secret joys, it was each other. It was a love felt deep in their marrow. Then there was the romantic love previously shared between he and Remedy. To Romulus, it had run just as deep as the love he had for his brother, but the nature of it was clearly different. His love for Remedy felt a lot like baring his soul to hers. He had kept his secrets at the time, but in essence she had been the only other person to know him.
The love he had for his boys, though? It was different from either of those.
From the moment he had first learned of their existence, Romulus had known that he had loved his boys. He loved them with every fiber of his being, with every bit of his soul. His love for them consumed him so thoroughly that it was hard to feel anything else whenever he thought of them. Even before he got to meet them, he knew he'd do anything for them if it meant they were happy and healthy, that they were safe and got to experience every good thing he didn't have the luxury of experiencing growing up. They were his everything, so to hear out loud that his love was not only received but reciprocated? It was joy.
He blinked away tears he hadn't even known were welling up in his eyes and swallowed thickly before he squeezed both of the twins tighter to him. He hid his face into the side of Romano's head, buried into his blond curls.
"I love you, too. Both of you." He managed to get out without his voice warbling.
"I love you, too." Romano added, wiggling a bit into the embrace. _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
Venturo followed his twin, hugging Romulus's side and reveling in the embrace.
"I love you too!" He added cheerfully, finally feeling some sort of resolve after everything.
Remedy smiled before standing up and stretching a little. She was able to look over her shoulder into their unfinished kitchen and see that her boys had already eaten. But it was of no consequence to her, Remedy could pivot.
"I see you guys have already eaten, so I guess we'll have to do pizza later." Remedy began before looking back to the threesome. "Maybe you can talk dad into a movie? Keep the party going and I can get pizza later, if dad wants to stay for dinner." Remedy suggested with a cool shrug.
"I can show you my favorite movie, dad!" Venturo pipped up at the notion. He slid off the couch and climbed over Romulus's legs and raced to the lopsided tv stand. He pushed open the plexiglass door and began digging out varying dvds and vhs tapes too. Remedy's cable was...Spotty at best, they only got a few channels. But Remedy got combination player, and her and the boys loved finding tapes or dvds everywhere they went. The movies ranged from 'underrated gems,' to 'unheard of generic knockoff of major blockbuster,' and even a couple legit disney movies. He produced a skinny dvd case that the cover had been torn off partly, but on the side it read, 'Water world.'
"Yeah! Let's have a movie night!" Romano cheered eagerly, unwrapping himself from Romulus then to join his twin in rifling through the movies to pick out a line-up.
---
((FF))
Romulus had agreed to stay for a movie night with very little convincing from the boys, however, as they all sat together on the floor watching movies and eating their pizza, he was notably quieter than usual.
Having his boys affirm their affection for him had made his heart soar in the moment, but as the evening went on and he found himself thinking about the not-so-distant topic of his past, it was hard for their love to feel deserved. But he didn't want to ruin the night, especially after feeling like he had ruined the afternoon, so he had tried to save face while he kept his spiral to himself.
The boys had fallen asleep slumped against Romulus halfway through some horrifyingly animated movie about ant people and with some effort, he managed to get them tucked into their respective "beds" on the couch and proceeded to sit on the floor in front of them, brows pinched guiltily as he looked over them. _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
Remedy had kept a watchful eye over Romulus as the evening progressed. She could still see him, disappearing somewhere, on and off. The moments when it was really noticeable were quick, but Remedy could sense the weight of it, lingering in the air even when he put on a smile. But she wasn't going to call attention to it, not in front of the boy. These moments seemed lost on the boys, they had moved on and healed from their wounds. Watching movies with dad until they fell asleep, everything was right in the world. Remedy stood with her arms crossed, in the unfinished kitchen, leaning against the one good support beam she had put in. She was sort of watching him, watch the boys with contorted expressions of guilt.
She tiled her head in observation, her own brows pinched guiltily. He couldn't see it, they thought the world of him. In Remedy's mind, it was well deserving, Romulus was a natural with the boys. But she was of course astutely aware of her place in all of this, and the part she played when shrouding Romulus's heart with anxiety and doubt. But it was ever her aspiration to heal his heart, no matter how long it would take. She would remain constant.
Remedy took a half step toward them, not wanting to wake the boys. They weren't exactly light sleepers, but falling asleep during a movie with dad, would be reason enough to suddenly jolt awake.
"They really do love you, you know? Like you put the stars in the sky." She said quietly from somewhere behind Romulus.
"I know," Romulus started quietly, still watching over the boys, "but I haven't done anything like that for them. I don't think I deserve their love and praise for doing... the things I've done." _________________ Butts n' butts n' butts n' butts.
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